A different type of gas crisis

When husbands fart
Flatulence causes wife to retaliate
By Joseph Shbotnick, Editor

Near Chicago - Police officers responded to a 9-1-1 call from a male complainant claiming his wife was out of control, destroying the apartment and that he feared for his safety. Public safety dispatchers sent multiple squad cars to respond to the in-progress domestic dispute, While enroute officers were made aware by dispatchers that they have received previous domestic disturbance calls from the same caller and each time, the trouble was unfounded. Nevertheless police treated the call appropriately as an emergency situation.


Immediately upon arrival the caller ran outside to meet the officers and from the start something didn't smell right. That would turn out to be the understatement of the evening.


When the police walked into the dwelling, the wife told the patrolmen that her husband, "farted near the wall." Angered by the smell that ensued from the broken wind, she demanded he spray the apartment with air freshner. When doing so, she asked him to spray near the wall were the cheese-cutting originated. When doing so she didn't feel het husband was appropriately using the cannister. As she went to grab it, she stepped into recently sprayed air, which caused deodorizer mist to gain entrance into her eye.


At this point the wife's anger greatly increased causing her to begin throwing household objects around the residence. Various objects were hurled at the husband, but no injuries were inflicted. After nearly one-hour discussing the situation with the couple, the matter was resolved, no medical treatment was required for either spouse.


Terrorists threatening wrong country
China doesn't have due process just due revenge
By Paulies Point

One of the reasons terrorist groups love to mess with the United States and Europe is that they know that no matter how barbaric they behave, our countries have due process of law as well as boundaries we will not cross when fighting a war. Simply put the United States and Europe to a lesser extent, value human life.

Growing up I recall hearing stories about terror groups and criminal groups taking Russian citizens or government officials hostage. The Soviets usually responded by finding a family member of the alleged offenders and mailing body parts of the person to believed whereabouts.


Chicago historians talk about the trial of mass murderer Richard Speck who was convicted of killing eight woman. Speck's victims were Filipino nurses living in a school dormitory. His trial was attended by numerous Filipino men who had received recent visas through the consulate in Chicago. It was later revealed these individuals were government agents of the Phillipines who were instructed to assasinate Speck if he was not convicted or released on a technicality.


The KGB as well as secret security forces of many Communist and Arab nations are well known for their ruthless and inhumane revenge tactics. One of the most brutal nations is China and recently a few ignorant schmucks threatended to attack the upcoming Beijing Olympic games.


The Turkestan Islamic Party has recently claimed responsibility for a bus bombing and three other attacks against various Chinese provinces. They are also planning on attacking the Olympic games.


"Our aim is to target the most critical points related to the Olympics. We will try to attack Chinese central cities severely using the tactics that have never been employed," Commander Seyfullah says in a recent video.


Hey Seyfullofshit or whatever your name is, better off yourself now or suffer greatly later. The government of China has already told local restaurants not to serve dog meat as well as announced plans to prevent protesting. What do you think there going to do to your ass when they find you and oh believe me they will. Anybody who passes gas near the Beijing games will most likely find an electrode up their tuchas.

China plans to make sure everyone attending the games leaves with a great impression of the country. What do you think they will do to anyone they suspect might cause the games or the security forces any grief?

Exactly!


Thank you for not being a schmuck

Contact: schmuckweekly@hotmail.com